What is the nature of happiness?

If you were to sit down right now and enumerate the things you were happy about I be the vast majority of us could only come up with a few things. We westerners are sullen and ungrateful creatures by nature. I think the frown is the national symbol of European faces. We think being unhappy is erudite. We make movies about unhappy marriages and disturbing claustrophobic homogeneous suburbs. I recently saw a movie entitled “Precious” which was about an African-American obese teen who life was unraveling by the minute. Her mother alternated between physical/ mental and sexual abuse. Her father raped her and bore two children for him (one with down syndrome whom she named Mongo—short for mongoloid), she was angry, bitter, illiterate and boxed into a corner that was drawn for her before she was born. But yet somewhere along the way she found something to laugh about. Something to call her very own and that was her children. They put a smile on her face and a purpose in her heart.

Now back to me of course. I think our (westerners) happiness is tied to control. Financial, physical, relational, you name it. They more we can control it the happier we are. If I could safely say that I would not have to worry about paying my bills, keeping my lights on and cable on and insurance paid and gym membership paid and my mother’s bills (which have recently become my bills) paid I would be immensely happy. If I could say I have complete control over my love life where I liked whomever I wanted and was guaranteed they would like me back I would immensely happy. If I knew tomorrow upon my waking up that I would have a New York Times Bestseller I would be immensely happy. Unfortunately I don’t have control over any of those things so therefore I am not happy.

Now here’s a radical theory. I must give up notions of control in order to be happy. When I learn that not all my bills are going to be paid and that I should be smart but not rigid then maybe I will be happy. If I stop looking for love then it will find me. If I say I will never think about my book selling then it will and I will be happy. I say ballocks! That is an inhuman task. Of course if I have a computer that I used to run my fledgling writing career breaks down for six weeks I am going to worry. Of course if they cut my hours on my job to the point I can barely have enough money to eat after my paycheck I am going to worry. If I find some one that I like and there is an inkling that it is not reciprocal I am going to worry. Of course if I send out email blasts, do interviews get my book reviewed contact booksellers directly and still the books don’t fly off the shelves I am going to worry. That’s just the way life is. That’s the rub.

Bare with me. I’m bringing it home. What we have to learn is the following. As cold and insensitive as it may be its true. Sometimes things happen. Its random and majestic. But its still bad. There’s no deeper meaning or purpose. Now that doesn’t mean we should just sit back and let life wash over us. We can ink out a modicum of success. If we have too many people devise a plan to either get rid of them or make more money. If the person you like don’t like you back accept it and move on. If my book isn’t selling write another book. It may sell. That’s it. The great treatise of life. The secret to happiness IS you’re not going to be happy all the time. There are going to be times you are overwhelmed by bills and finances and bounced checks and parents getting older that you have to step in and help fix. There are going to be people you meet and really like and fantasize about going to the beach and holding hands and laughing to jokes only you two find funny. Or wanting to fornicate with that person all over God’s green earth and they simple don’t feel the same about you. And let’s not get started about writing because everybody who reads your book will have an onion. Good, bad or indifferent. So the best advice that can be followed is…feel happy when you’re happy. Feel sad when you’re sad. Try to enjoy the happy to the fullest and hold on tight during the sad. The good thing is that a new day and new emotion is waiting for you just around the corner. Remember you have no control over it whatsoever!

First times a charm

I think beginnings are grand. They symbolize newness and altruism. Stuff that will come after the things that came before. They also signal endings and so in a way this new blog is the end of the fetid banality of my former life. Now I am reborn an artist. A writer. An author. I feel that my life's work has begun. Pretentious as that may sound its true. From the time of my seventh or eighth year I was writing stories usually on my mother's old typewriter held over from the Byzantine! My stories of monsters and natural disasters (I was a wild Irwin Allen fan). So now a mere quarter century later I am embarking on a new trail. Hopefully it will be a great one. I think it will.